STOP THE PRESSES AND DROP THE ROLL FOR THE SHOCK, MY PEOPLE! THIS NEWS IS AN ATOMIC BOMB THAT JUST DROPPED ON LATIN AMERICA!
EXPLOSIVE HEADLINE: THE WORLD UPSIDE DOWN! THE SUPREME COURT HITS THE RESET BUTTON FOR THE DICTATOR: MADURO WALKES AWAY CLEAN AS A WHISTLE IN A DAWN JUDICIAL AMBUSH THAT HAS THE ENTIRE CONTINENT SPITTING BILE! WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?!
IMPACT SUBHEADLINE:
We all saw that cursed notification pop up on our phones that left us cross-eyed and jaw-dropped: “Breaking n3ws, Supreme Court frees Maduro…See more.” Our hearts stopped. Was it an early April Fools’ joke? A massive hack? NO, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! Reality has outdone even the most delusional fiction. That “See more” that went viral worldwide hides the biggest judicial swindle of the century. Here we tell you the raw, uncensored truth of how justice pulled down its pants in front of power in a master move no one saw coming.
MEXICO CITY / CARACAS.—
Oh Lord have mercy! Dear readers, if yesterday you felt like gravity was playing tricks on you and bile was rising up your throat when you read that viral headline, you’re not alone. It was a collective “you’ve gotta be kidding me” that echoed from the Rio Grande to Tierra del Fuego.
There it was: that image with red “BREAKING NEWS” letters and Nicolás Maduro’s smiling face, like he’d just won the lottery (and in some way, he did). And underneath, the incomplete phrase that had everyone cursing:
“Breaking n3ws, Supreme Court frees Maduro…See more.”
Freed from what? The guy is still barricaded in Miraflores! Freed from stress? From dieting? Total confusion, folks!
But yours truly, El Tundemáquinas Ramírez, risking liver damage and mental health, clicked that “See more.” And what we found, my people, was a back-stabbing blow to the hopes of millions of Venezuelans and a spit straight in the face of international justice.
Brace yourselves, sit down, and grab some chamomile tea—because what you’re about to read is ulcer-bursting rage material.
THE JUDGES’ AMBUSH: HOW MUCH DID THIS RULING COST?
Turns out the “See more” led to the most unbelievable news of the year:
“THE VENEZUELAN SUPREME COURT (THE TSJ, WHICH WE ALL KNOW WHICH FOOT IT LIMPS ON), IN A SURPRISE, EXTRAORDINARY, MIDDLE-OF-THE-NIGHT SESSION, ISSUED A HISTORIC RULING THAT ANNULS ALL ACCUSATIONS, ARREST WARRANTS, AND PENDING CASES AGAINST NICOLÁS MADURO MOROS, DECLARING HIM ‘A MAN FREE OF ALL GUILT’ AND A VICTIM OF ‘IMPERIALIST POLITICAL PERSECUTION.’”
BOOM. There it is, loud and clear.
Venezuela’s highest court—no secret puppet of the regime—decided the mustached one is more innocent than a newborn baby. DEA drug-trafficking accusations? Pure Yankee fairy tales! Crimes against humanity in The Hague? Opposition lies! Rampant corruption that’s destroyed the country? Doesn’t exist!
The ruling—a 500-page brick written in full-blown “Chavista legalese”—basically paints Maduro as a martyr, a saintly man whose only goal was to protect his people from the claws of the “Empire,” and claims all evidence against him is a Hollywood setup. Give me a damn break!
The question everyone on the street is asking: How much did that piece of paper cost? How many suitcases of cash, how many oil concessions, how many promises of impunity were handed out for judges to sign such madness?
THE CELEBRATION OF CYNICISM: MADURO LAUGHS ON NATIONAL TV
Of course, Maduro wasted no time. As soon as the ruling went public, he appeared on national television. No concern. No humility. Not a chance. He showed up in his tricolor jacket, dancing salsa, grinning ear to ear like the Joker after robbing a bank.
“Justice has been done, my friend! The truth always wins!” the dictator shouted before a plaza full of bused-in supporters clapping without really knowing why.
Waving the court ruling like a deed to the country, Maduro mocked everyone. He mocked the United States and its $15 million reward (“They can shove it where it fits!” he laughed). He mocked the opposition, left frozen and clueless after this low blow. And worst of all, he mocked the suffering of millions of Venezuelans forced to flee because of his misrule.
“Now yes—time to govern without obstacles! The revolution is indestructible!” he declared, as his trained seals applauded.
THE WORLD IN SHOCK: SO WHAT NOW?
The international community is stunned. Phones haven’t stopped ringing in Washington, Brussels, and capitals across Latin America. What does this mean? Is international pressure over? Did Maduro get away with it for good?
Foreign-policy experts (the kind who get paid in dollars to state the obvious) are split. Some say it’s a hollow victory—a worthless piece of paper that only works inside Venezuela and doesn’t erase international arrest warrants. “If he steps outside Venezuela, he’s done for,” they insist.
Others, more pessimistic, say this is the beginning of the end. That this “judicial cleanup” is step one toward negotiating his grip on power with a fake legal veneer. A sign the regime is stronger and more entrenched than ever, willing to twist the law until it snaps just to stay in the chair.
CONCLUSION: JUSTICE IS A BOUGHT-AND-PAID-FOR RAT
This viral clickbait that scared the hell out of us yesterday, my friends, proves that in politics—especially dictatorships—there are no limits. Cynicism has no bottom.
That “See more” spat a painful truth in our faces: Justice in Venezuela is dead, buried, and marked with a tombstone that reads “Property of Nicolás Maduro.”
Today, the dictator sleeps easier, clutching a piece of paper that says he’s innocent. But history—that can’t be bought with petrodollars. History will judge him, and that trial, my friend, no bought-off Supreme Court can erase.
Meanwhile, we’re left choking on our rage, watching the bad guys get away with it yet again. Unbelievable. We’ll keep reporting on this circus—if we don’t drop dead from anger first.
